This is a photo from Bodhgaya when I was feeling sick and worn out. It's a reminder to me that India wasn't always paradise. Being in America, it's easy for me to remember it's not. I have been having a "difficult" week- well, up and down, really. When I start to think about it and write it down- it pretty much disgusts me how ungrateful I am...but it's how I feel, so be it.
I am emotionally overwhelmed trying to find a job in CA. I know I won't be prepared for this particular test I was going to take on 5/16 (so now I'm going to wait to take it). I also didn't buy my plane tickets fast enough and they're 4x the cost they were last week (literally)- so now I'm going to wait to go. I broke a piece in my computer that's going to cost $280 to fix (because I plugged speakers into the wrong hole). And I've had these headaches for the last few days that make me think my brain is outgrowing my skull.
*Sigh* So that pretty much sums up my internal drama. Actually, I got over it all today and have been in a great mood, but I was thinking...I haven't been totally honest on this here blog of mine. It's like, "what if people know I'm human and every day isn't a great one?? They may think I'm not perfect!"
So here it is, the good, bad and ugly of Ms. Caroline.
I have so much to be grateful for and I'm just going to SLOW DOWN and appreciate it. My family has been unbelievably supportive of me.
There are still plans for CA in the works, but I'm not revving the engine at the starting line anymore...I'm just going to be a feather and float quietly and calmly and see what manifests.
1 comment:
Hey sweetie! You don't have to feel appreciation every second of every day. All your other emotions are just as valid too! Recognize them for what they are and move on, without judgement. I catch myself dwelling in the pits sometimes too. It happens. Life is a never ending process!
I miss the hell outta you, btw. Can't wait to see you in June!
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