It's called, American Bardo.
I will probably update this blog sometimes, but most of my focus will be on the new one for now.
Thank you for following!
XO.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
New Blog
In order to simplify things, I started a new blog. This one will be dedicated to Karma's and my relationship and his transition to living in the U.S.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
The Way of the Blog...
As the time for Karma to arrive draws swiftly nearer (NEXT FRIDAY, PEOPLE!!), I find myself feeling drawn to transition this blog from a scrapbook of my random goings ons, to more of a journal of Karma's entry into the U.S., our relationship, funny (and not-so-funny cultural differences).
There are so many things he is going to be puzzled by and I am going to see this world through new eyes. In setting this intention, I want to say that this is not going to be me making fun of my fiance, although there may be hilarious differences that I point out. We truly come from different worlds and I hope to share not only my experience, but his as well. As his English improves, perhaps he'll take a stab at writing on here as well.
Stay tuned.... =)
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Sunday, September 5, 2010
A Reminder
I'm sitting in my childhood home in Virginia.
This room holds many memories, both in photos and in my mind. Memories of a variety of ups and downs I have experienced during these (almost) 29 years. Laughter, tears, disappointment, anger, exhilaration, pain, joy, worry, excitement, anticipation....I remember playing dress up as a child in the very spot where I dress as an adult now. Life really is so precious. This body, which I groom and feed and cherish is decaying each moment--it's not morbid to think about, it's simply a fact. How will I use my remaining time in this life? What choices will I make? Each moment I fall into judgement, negativity, anger, selfishness, jealousy....how will that come to fruition?
It's 5 days prior to my 29th birthday and my fiance is sitting in India, both of us patiently waiting to hear if his visa has been granted. My family is healthy and accepting of where I am in life. My career is starting to organically flourish, my roots in the Bay area are really growing and I have an ever-expanding group of wonderful friends.
My life is really amazing.
Yet, I'm noting that life is an ocean with waves of up and down...that having a still mind is what enables clarity during those lows--and the highs as well. I am cherishing these moments for they will naturally change, maybe for "better," maybe for "worse." Can I learn to cherish them all? Can I view "obstacles" as "opportunities?"
I SO wanted Karma to be here by now. I wanted him to spend this time with me here in Virginia--to meet my family and to celebrate my birthday. Now I'm seeing this "disappointment" as an opportunity to have alone time with my family and friends. As I am about to enter into marriage, this opportunity may not come along too often again. So, I am grateful.
I had an amazing experience at my dance class this week. There was an older woman who looked like she's in chemotherapy (no hair, bandana, sunken eyes...) dancing next to me. As we skipped around the room, I had this overwhelming urge to just hug her. I wanted to take any pain that she was feeling onto myself. I had tears in my eyes welling up, but I fought them back. I thought to myself, I am really no different than her. I am dying--just not so overtly. What a gift she has given me to remind me of how precious this life really is.
Later in the class, when we went to grabbed our free weights, she and I made eye contact and we exchanged the most heartfelt smiles. I felt so elated. After class as we put our weights back she stopped me and said, "I just love watching you. You're so athletic! I follow you during the class to get the steps right." I thanked her and told her she had the most beautiful smile. Again, she gave me such a gift! Here I have this body that is healthy and strong and moves, and yet I sometimes poke at it and wish it to be different than it is. It's a wonderful body. I really am blessed.
One Tibetan master says that each birthday we have should serve as a reminder that we are another year closer to our death and that this should serve as a motivation to practice meditation and compassion....to stop wasting time being selfish and to just let our hearts burst open--in the state they naturally know how to--in love.
xo.
This room holds many memories, both in photos and in my mind. Memories of a variety of ups and downs I have experienced during these (almost) 29 years. Laughter, tears, disappointment, anger, exhilaration, pain, joy, worry, excitement, anticipation....I remember playing dress up as a child in the very spot where I dress as an adult now. Life really is so precious. This body, which I groom and feed and cherish is decaying each moment--it's not morbid to think about, it's simply a fact. How will I use my remaining time in this life? What choices will I make? Each moment I fall into judgement, negativity, anger, selfishness, jealousy....how will that come to fruition?
It's 5 days prior to my 29th birthday and my fiance is sitting in India, both of us patiently waiting to hear if his visa has been granted. My family is healthy and accepting of where I am in life. My career is starting to organically flourish, my roots in the Bay area are really growing and I have an ever-expanding group of wonderful friends.
My life is really amazing.
Yet, I'm noting that life is an ocean with waves of up and down...that having a still mind is what enables clarity during those lows--and the highs as well. I am cherishing these moments for they will naturally change, maybe for "better," maybe for "worse." Can I learn to cherish them all? Can I view "obstacles" as "opportunities?"
I SO wanted Karma to be here by now. I wanted him to spend this time with me here in Virginia--to meet my family and to celebrate my birthday. Now I'm seeing this "disappointment" as an opportunity to have alone time with my family and friends. As I am about to enter into marriage, this opportunity may not come along too often again. So, I am grateful.
I had an amazing experience at my dance class this week. There was an older woman who looked like she's in chemotherapy (no hair, bandana, sunken eyes...) dancing next to me. As we skipped around the room, I had this overwhelming urge to just hug her. I wanted to take any pain that she was feeling onto myself. I had tears in my eyes welling up, but I fought them back. I thought to myself, I am really no different than her. I am dying--just not so overtly. What a gift she has given me to remind me of how precious this life really is.
Later in the class, when we went to grabbed our free weights, she and I made eye contact and we exchanged the most heartfelt smiles. I felt so elated. After class as we put our weights back she stopped me and said, "I just love watching you. You're so athletic! I follow you during the class to get the steps right." I thanked her and told her she had the most beautiful smile. Again, she gave me such a gift! Here I have this body that is healthy and strong and moves, and yet I sometimes poke at it and wish it to be different than it is. It's a wonderful body. I really am blessed.
One Tibetan master says that each birthday we have should serve as a reminder that we are another year closer to our death and that this should serve as a motivation to practice meditation and compassion....to stop wasting time being selfish and to just let our hearts burst open--in the state they naturally know how to--in love.
xo.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Verdict's Not Quite In...
Sunday I was in a (surprisingly) great mood and totally at ease leading up to Karma's interview appointment. He called me on his way to the Embassy and he's taken a tuk-tuk (auto rickshaw) instead of a taxi. This is jarring to ALL the senses and it's about a 40 minute ride. He was trying to be frugal, but I told him not to do that again. It's painful to think about!
I was so disappointed that they didn't approve it right away, but the short of it is is that they want more proof on paper that we're in a loving, romantic relationship. This is difficult because we haven't done much emailing or any snail mail because of his written English abilities....I wrote a letter and had it notarized explaining this, so I hope that will suffice. They also wanted notarized letters from my parents "discussing" what they think of this engagement. They think it's crazy that the government cares what a 29 (almost) year old's parents think! My parents are amazing and are going along with the system's request.
Once we've sent everything to Karma and he submits it, it will be another week or two before they contact him. They could ask for even more information, they could approve it or they could deny it. So...we remain in limbo.
We were hoping that he could come to Virginia and meet me while I'm staying there (9/3-923), but we'll just have to wait and see.
On another note, I was chuckling with my friends about some of Karma and my cultural differences and here is a perfect example. He finally told the people in the head office of the Library where he lives and works (part of the monastery as a whole). Then he asked them to write a letter on our behalf, to which they eagerly agreed. However, when he sent me a copy I just couldn't figure out HOW they'd come up with the fact that we'd known each other for "3 years." It will be 2 in November.
He said, "Oh, well we met in 2008, then 2009, now it's 2010!" (*Duh*) It made my day! I couldn't stop laughing. I asked him to have them fix it and they did, but the monk who wrote it said, "Westerners are SO particular." LOL *love it!*
Keep sending love and prayers and mojo and vibes.......I'll keep updating!
Also, please pray for Nick Franca, a 20 year old boy from my hometown that is battling cancer. His mother is my mom's best friend. They have a blog, too, that really puts things in perspective when I'm worrying about such petty things. Even worrying about Karma's visa really seems frivolous in comparison.
xo
I was so disappointed that they didn't approve it right away, but the short of it is is that they want more proof on paper that we're in a loving, romantic relationship. This is difficult because we haven't done much emailing or any snail mail because of his written English abilities....I wrote a letter and had it notarized explaining this, so I hope that will suffice. They also wanted notarized letters from my parents "discussing" what they think of this engagement. They think it's crazy that the government cares what a 29 (almost) year old's parents think! My parents are amazing and are going along with the system's request.
Once we've sent everything to Karma and he submits it, it will be another week or two before they contact him. They could ask for even more information, they could approve it or they could deny it. So...we remain in limbo.
We were hoping that he could come to Virginia and meet me while I'm staying there (9/3-923), but we'll just have to wait and see.
On another note, I was chuckling with my friends about some of Karma and my cultural differences and here is a perfect example. He finally told the people in the head office of the Library where he lives and works (part of the monastery as a whole). Then he asked them to write a letter on our behalf, to which they eagerly agreed. However, when he sent me a copy I just couldn't figure out HOW they'd come up with the fact that we'd known each other for "3 years." It will be 2 in November.
He said, "Oh, well we met in 2008, then 2009, now it's 2010!" (*Duh*) It made my day! I couldn't stop laughing. I asked him to have them fix it and they did, but the monk who wrote it said, "Westerners are SO particular." LOL *love it!*
Keep sending love and prayers and mojo and vibes.......I'll keep updating!
Also, please pray for Nick Franca, a 20 year old boy from my hometown that is battling cancer. His mother is my mom's best friend. They have a blog, too, that really puts things in perspective when I'm worrying about such petty things. Even worrying about Karma's visa really seems frivolous in comparison.
xo
Monday, August 9, 2010
Weeks Closing In...
I don't know if anyone even reads this here blog of mine, but I just keep on writing...do I keep this thing for others or for me? I really don't know.
Anyways, Karma's official letter from the US Embassy arrived (finally), so he can go to his medical exam and get all the loose ends tied up for his big day on the 23rd (22nd here in the US).
My mind has been sitting with this idea of him ACTUALLY coming here, living together, getting married. It's been an intense week. I really stand by my decision, but am also aware that there will be some serious adjustments and letting go of habits and routines (for both of us).
Really, I'd just like a clean slate. Is that possible with all these habitual patterns? I guess that's the one of the points of practicing the Dharma- to change these habits. To let go of those that only lead to suffering (or just uneasiness, unsettledness, dis-satisfactoryness, etc...)
I want to welcome him here with an open heart/mind and open arms. I want to let go of all my annoying neurosis' and just experience whatever happens with acceptance & curiosity and without judgement. Regardless of what I want and how I want to be or how I want things to be, they will unfold as they will. I will have to practice in each of the moments as they arise.
I pray I have the open-heartedness, faith and strength to look at each of those unique moments. To hold them and to act from a place of compassion, for myself and for Karma.
I have fear, but it's also surrounded by excitement and love...and I have an amazing network of support, to which I am very, very grateful.
xo
Anyways, Karma's official letter from the US Embassy arrived (finally), so he can go to his medical exam and get all the loose ends tied up for his big day on the 23rd (22nd here in the US).
My mind has been sitting with this idea of him ACTUALLY coming here, living together, getting married. It's been an intense week. I really stand by my decision, but am also aware that there will be some serious adjustments and letting go of habits and routines (for both of us).
Really, I'd just like a clean slate. Is that possible with all these habitual patterns? I guess that's the one of the points of practicing the Dharma- to change these habits. To let go of those that only lead to suffering (or just uneasiness, unsettledness, dis-satisfactoryness, etc...)
I want to welcome him here with an open heart/mind and open arms. I want to let go of all my annoying neurosis' and just experience whatever happens with acceptance & curiosity and without judgement. Regardless of what I want and how I want to be or how I want things to be, they will unfold as they will. I will have to practice in each of the moments as they arise.
I pray I have the open-heartedness, faith and strength to look at each of those unique moments. To hold them and to act from a place of compassion, for myself and for Karma.
I have fear, but it's also surrounded by excitement and love...and I have an amazing network of support, to which I am very, very grateful.
xo
Friday, July 30, 2010
Seriously Stoked!!!
Tonight I saw on the US Embassy in New Delhi's website that Karma's interview is scheduled for Monday, August 23rd at 8 a.m.
The next 3 weeks or so will most likely consist of my bossing Karma around and him following through obediently, me biting my nails (metaphorically)and him doing mega prayer & puja sessions and getting 15 vaccinations at his required medical exam...
Who's to say what will come of this interview, but for now I'm resting in joy for not having to look at that website every night, praying for our number to be called.
To honor my happiness with the US Embassy and their bureaucracy, here's a random shot from my trip in June.
Yay for Indians posing on yaks with fake guns. It so senseless, it almost makes sense....
The next 3 weeks or so will most likely consist of my bossing Karma around and him following through obediently, me biting my nails (metaphorically)and him doing mega prayer & puja sessions and getting 15 vaccinations at his required medical exam...
Who's to say what will come of this interview, but for now I'm resting in joy for not having to look at that website every night, praying for our number to be called.
To honor my happiness with the US Embassy and their bureaucracy, here's a random shot from my trip in June.
Yay for Indians posing on yaks with fake guns. It so senseless, it almost makes sense....
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