All in a Year

It's baffling that I returned to the U.S. from India one year ago. This week has been a time of reflection for me. Since returning, I don't think a day goes by that I don't hold India in my heart. It seems absurd to me that in 6 1/2 months it could have made such a profound impact on me, I'm almost embarrassed to admit...but I just can't shake it.

My heart has opened to America in the last year in ways I didn't think possible before leaving for my trip. Moving to California and establishing a blessed life here has also been amazing. The people I have met here, the scenery....

My mind romanticizes my time in India. I was studying pretty diligently, but I didn't have to work or pay bills, nor was I responsible for anything. It was such an amazing, carefree feeling. I knew when I returned to the States I would have to rejoin society and the things that go along with it here. That integration has been really difficult. I'm working part-time and I feel like I've lost the work ethic that I carried before going. I want to be a "hard worker" and put all of my efforts into work & studying Tibetan, but I find I spend less time doing either. This brings about some guilt, but not always. I have this underlying feeling of apathy and lately it's been much harder to shake.

The spring is a time of revitalized energy...blooming, expanding, restlessness. My body feels so connected to the Earth and the moon, I really feel these changes of season and lunar cycle. My practice is to observe these feelings and stay steady like a mountain, but I'm easily swept away in them.

Staying in gratitude is the most skillful place for me to be these days. Rinpoche once said, "The most powerful mantra you can say is, 'Thank you'" and I truly believe it. I have gratitude for each morning that I wake up alive, the food I eat, the friends I have, the beautiful family...but also for being in America, where I can turn on the tap and instantly have hot water...where I can choose from an abundance of food or anything else I can imagine...and for being connected to the people I encounter every day, whether I know them or not. Each moment is perfect as it is.