It has been 1 month since my silent retreat and I've been anything but silent since then. Since my last post I've had a birthday, got hired for an awesome job, traveled to LA to see HH Dalai Lama & my cousins, got somewhat of a promotion for my awesome job & had a beach vacation with my mother.
There aren't enough sighs in this body to express the relief of this silence. My wound-up, tight mind is ringing in the stillness.
Everything that has happened this month is a total blur of positive energy. I don't know where to start. It was all amazing. It was all ordinary. Words can't accurately describe experience.
I'm continually shocked at how great my life here is, how amazing the people I meet are- it's actually not shocking at all anymore.
I am one big paradox.
More recently it turns out that I'll be James Baraz's book publicist (he's the teacher of this course). He's even hiring a mentor for me....this means I might actually use my undergrad & graduate degrees. Quite shocking.
*Sigh*
My mom came for 5 days and we spent 2 nights by the quiet, Pacific coast in Stinson Beach. There is something so comforting about having my mother around... yet there is an unexplainable neurotic energy that sits so thickly in my chest.
It's not good. It's not bad. I just look at it as if it were hanging in my closet. If I try it on, feeling the old comfort, then my mind is swept away in emotion, caught in the web of memory & expectation and I've been hooked again.
This process of being absorbed in emotion is so easy, so familiar- but looking and not touching it is not. Memory is so tricky...and the slippery, wild, pull of the unknown future is so underhanded.
Now is it. It is all. It is that simple. How I learn to bow & appreciate what is in front of me is my teacher.
This unfolding process is so amazing, challenging...just perfect.
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